Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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