I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
