Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
