So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
