@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
