You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
