Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
