You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
