i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
