How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
