No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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