the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
