when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
