She is in my trunk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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