and she was petting her beer can
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
