One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
