Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
