too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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