So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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