Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
