That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
