Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
