I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
party gras won. party gras always wins.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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