This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
