He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
