Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
