First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
