I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
