Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
