At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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