Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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