The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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