I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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