The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
