I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
