I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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