I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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