It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
