My nipple is on Facebook.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
