WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
