Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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