OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
