Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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