; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
