There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, beer. Big fan.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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