He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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