she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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