Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
