Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
