Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
