Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
