Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
