My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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